Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
