I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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