I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
