oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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