At least make sure they are 18
Why
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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