this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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