My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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