apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
