My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.