Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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