ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.