How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.