his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.