You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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