There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
