Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
