i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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