My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
