I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
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they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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