He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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