tell your sister to shave her snatch
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
