The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
