just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
