I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Say something about gay babies.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
