so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
