it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
