A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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