She's JV to your varsity
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
