its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
