you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
