literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
