Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
