is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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