Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
