I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
