my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.