If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
