I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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