nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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