i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
