I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
