somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
