There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
