I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My ATM looks so different sober.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
