worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
