He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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