"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My sheets look like a crime scene.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
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Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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