Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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