boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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