I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
