i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
