This is not my ceiling
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize