Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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