I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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