omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just tell him i said nine months
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
