You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
