**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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