Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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