If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize