Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
