She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think people are normalizing furries
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
