fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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