the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
