dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
