Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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