Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
