im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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